DEC 15 SPLOSIONS REPORT

SUCKED! ok sometimes i wonder if i have bad taste. i'm pretty sure i do. one time someone asked me 'who's better than bob dylan!?' and i said, 'SUPERCHUNK!' so i sweat the splosions pretty hard too. that last record still shreds my mind everyday. and i've seen them 5 times and everytime i loved it. yesterday? SUCKED! i know they're getting large off billy bob but they have to remember they're a fucking instrumental band, and should feel lucky people feel them. they played 1 hit, a bunch of old songs, and no encore. no encore! wtf they are not zep yet! it felt like a bullshit hip hop show, but instead of being late and sloppy, they were early and boring. i don't know if that makes sense

at least i got that mail-order EP. that's really good. sorry nocito for dragging you to the show. and to bad bars. at least you're in LA and i can't suggest going to shitty places. and i was so weird today after drinking with K dan and wildman til 5am last night, that i wandered around canal st like a zombie. somehow i ended up with 'the title stays in harlem' and 'back like cooked crack 2' those records are making me super happy right now. the comedy! i couldn't find that wayne tape K. can you dub it for me?

ok i don't think riley is a TOTAL douche cause he coached one of my all-time favorite knicks squads, but faxing your resignation? the lakers? fuck em! the heat? fuck em too! riley just wants the shine so bad, and even though he's been hooking up the van gundy family for years, the shit he just pulled was lame. SVG is a good coach. but i'm conflicted. the hate for the heat kinda fizzled. sure mourning is dick for a million reasons but dwayne wayne was awesome on 'a different world'.

you know what i'm not conflicted about? the new lil wayne! so emo!

haha lookit! thanks kenny for fwding this! i like how your friend thinks that shithole marquee is 'upscale'!

>>>

quick story you guys might enjoy. went to a party at laurens on saturday night. about 20 people. half of us went to some random bar, the other half went to this upscale place called Marquee. anyways, these 2 pretty girls who were visiting lauren from texas went to Marquee.

So yesterday morning, lauren calls me and says "Do you know some guy named Matt Line Hart?" i laugh and say yeah and don't bother to correct her. she says, well he was at Marquee last night, and hit on one of the girls from texas all night, danced with her, and then was so drunk he groped her....she turned around and slapped him, and left.

i said yea yea, i doubt it even though it kinda made sense that he would be in an upscale club getting trashed after losing the heisman. i told her i'd believe the story when i saw pictures. wellll, here they are..........

and let the circus shit begin...

donnie walsh said he'd deal artest, and he said he'll talk to isiah! ok this is totally my fantasy, kinda even over the KG rumors. are you kidding? remember he hit a game winning shot on thanksgiving a couple years ago, bum-rushed the camera and yelled 'QBQBQB!!' haha bring him here why not?

the question therein lies, would you trade channing frye, nare rob or ariza for him? i don't know, but i would say yes. i think frye is the player to get here, as indiana could sure use a big man to help jermaine out, no disrespect to jeff foster. that's tough, dealing frye, but we'd be getting an all-star back. and with artest you're talking about a NYC folk hero. him AND marbury running the garden? curry filling the paint? hell yes

as for chris russo on WFAN that's another story. i have beef with this guy. i'm not one to make racialist accusations, but this goes way back to when layden was GM. mike and the mad dog had him on right after the van horn trade when the knicks were at their WORST. and him and layden were yucking it up! patting his back and tickling his danglers. isiah takes over and the first day on the job chris russo is hating him! now he blames isiah for ruining this team salary cap wise. fuck you! this shit is on layden's and checkett's hands. now today on WFAN he's dissing r kelly for 'disrespecting the anthem' [bullshit that performance was killer] and artest for being a 'cancer'. you know who'd love artest in NY? everyone not named 'mad dog'! douche!

isiah! bring! artest! home!

is artest trying to pull an eli manning? orchestrating a trade to NY? needless to say the minute he sits down to the nyk news conference there will be bootleg artest jerseys on delancey. $25! right next to the jeezy 'tru warier' hybrids. i can't wait! marbury and the big crazy on the next cover of SLAM!

the griz

look at these sweet throwbacks the grizzlies were wearing on friday. they're kinda awesome! of course if i had my say there'd be a slight modification...

i also checked out grizzly bear last night and they were definitely not as awesome as damon stoudemire's new fabric. i thought at best they sounded like U2 'joshua tree' era, which is not bad at all, but the jams were too tender. and off-key. and long. i've seen them before and they were good. wha happened? maybe next time...

tyondai braxton and soft circle killed it a little for me. who's mad at weird house beats and crooning through an alvin and the chipmunks filter? surprisingly not me!

i felt like i had 2 left feet last night. spilling drinks on people and getting tongue tied. some people thought i was douche-y for sure. such is life!

miguel i didn't have you pinned as an asshole

"I've been with the Orioles for two years and things haven't gone in the direction that we were expecting, so I think the best thing will be a change of scenery... I've done many things with this team and I haven't seen results, and the other teams are getting stronger while the Orioles have not made any signings to strengthen the club"

uh... WHAT? this team goes out and gets sammy sosa, gives javy a huge contract, ramon martinez [for 27.5!], and leo mazzone. LEO MAZZONE! sure they're not the janks or the mets or the sox, but this team is trying to put a winning team on the field for sure. tejada stop being such a bitch. you're surrounded by all-stars. of couse they could use more pitching, but what team couldn't? look at the fucken rangers for chrissakes! chill with your millions and brian roberts hitting before you and melvin mora protecting you in the lineup.

i got the new scoobie snacks mix tape today and it's giving me a headache. there are some jams but the whole thing is making my head spin! 'keep a shotgun like elmer fudd you can tell the judge dog!' 'i MC like Mike Krzyzewski' 'take your daughter R kelly had my way with her face!' the jokes! more jokes! that song 'shangi' os kinda fucked up though. what did i expect? these guys hate everybody...

good show wildman you should be psyched!

... and they blew it!

the collapse was coming we all knew it. curry had a nice game, but frye had a snoozer. while we know they're directly related, i don't see what we can do about it. if they'd each average 13/7 i'd be happy with that, but no one knows what role they're gonna play any given night. larry's looking for a 'magical' combination for the first and second squad, but i think he should just stick with the same dudes. what, 'I GOT IT!!! JEROME JAMES PLAYS GREAT WITH PENNY! FINALS HERE WE COME!'

and i don't know why steph's not shooting 3's anymore. last year he averaged 1.4 a game, and this year it's 0.3. we all know larry is telling him to shoot less, but we need some downtown threats. to at least keep the defense honest, right? Q rich come back quick! jamal! no more off-balanced runners in transition preeze!

ok penny take it through the 2nd half!

watch the 3rd quarter collapse happen before our eyes

hypothetical question: you are charged with rape. you are convicted of rape. you cry at the trial. he resurrect your career on a troubled team. they trade away the 'problem' players on your team. you mouth off to your boss saying 'on a losing team i demand more clock',

you are ruben patternson. go knicks!

why did the knicks have to go and shit on matt barnes?

he starts opening day, hustles, gives us a spark, then rides the pine. then he's in a suit. then he's released to waivers so we can pick up... Q woods! ok i know people make mistakes and athletes' problems get blown way out of proportion, but how do you say to a judge 'yeah, i fight dogs, and i accidentally tortured the hell out of one and probably others that you got no evidence to throw at me'. i'm not a vegetarian or super weird about animal rights, but how you gonna torture a dog for fun?!

now Q's on the knicks. i'm sooo excited for his 1.5/2 averages. drop this fool and get matt barnes back.

kelly and K i know you guys love this guy and since we were talking about him last night i listened to him when i got home. still not into it. some of his jams are good, but really? am i weird? he seems like a 2005 version of tribe called quest to me. fwd to 2005 and this is the new de la. fugees? ok he's probably better than that but still. those jams were relatively emo as well right? i'm glad a dude like him is a star, but... obey your thirst!! look at this pic! angel wings!

and i atest to the fact that the 'best idea' ever belongs to the 'turducken'

nocito that was a good playlist, but i wanted more cam, dr dog and bright eyes...

respect!

31! 11! 2! 4 blocks! much respect to dirk. i give it up to the dudes who hold it down eveny night while josh smith gets highlight reel coverage at single digit averages. dirk! AI! jamison! duncan! arenas! Z! YAO! t mac! these guy are solid! and many more dudes i'm forgetting! and look at walter in this picture. a nyk draft pick!

i'm watching the jim valvano clip on sportcenter and it's super sad. remember him on the crosby show? as a mover? he was a good dude. jimmy V i'm bummed that you died. i really am.

and another weird note. a feel bad for Q and his bro. that's heavy.

good lookin JC you came through. chuzzill on the wins though i want a lottery pickey over the automatic 1st round exit

go to max fish on thursday and buy a picture

i'm not in the business of party promoting but josh's show will be major on thursday. think of it was a holiday party with a bunch of bearded guys and black and white photos. there will be drinking and hi-fives! back slaps! dubious encounters! slurred emo confessions! in that order! too bad i have to jet to check out dead meadow down the street, but i really like that band! but maybe i'll sell my tickets. bro's before shows?

he is a very very good guitar player and also very very weird looking

dino jr report? FUCKIN A!!! the highlight was either 'the wagon' or 'the post' which i was a little supriosed they played. it's K's favorite karoake jam. wtf no 'just like heaven' but they did shred 'little fury things' and 'freak scene' [of course]. i miss the epic 'where you been' jams that are all weepy and a loud as fuck. maybe j will get mike johnson back and do a 'era deux' reunion.

thanks brian for getting me in it was rad. too bad josh couldn't make it [i say that often].

just a matter of time before the sebadoh directtv concert series from jones beach. lou was kind of a dick last night. i guess some people are just assholes for life.

BRO'BACK MOUNTAIN

i kinda blame this loss on larry. i know the pistons are still sweet but starting rose, Q, davis, and mo just sends the message that we're scared. even though frye crawford and riza got big minutes you gotta start your best players to set the tone. and you punp them up too. what's up with nate rob only getting 11 minutes? c'mon larry play your best players. stop fucking around.

the dunkin dutchie all-star

i dunno why me and miller have been talking about rik smits all day, but damn he was good. maybe i just remember him trading blows with patrick ewing every post-season. dude held it down. now i hear he's a pro motorcross dude. huh?

i'm still in a haze from last night. i just remembered i got tacos on the way home last night. it was a blur. in real life i was at max fish with the major bro's, and when i went to sleep later that night i dreamt i was still at max fish, but this time with jay-z and julie mehretu. actually they could have been there and i wouldn't have known. josh told me all these weird things i was saying to jay hanna and lucy i don't remember.

easy there...

one good win and ny fans go crazy. the bulls win was nice but now WFAN callers are all like 'how far will we go into the playoffs' 'nate frye remind me of stockton malone'. eeeasy there. sure, they're nice players, but rookies are like flavors of the month. they're evaluated by their 'potential' and people go nuts. nate is a scorer and will never be an affective 1 cause of that. and he's too small to d up on the 2's in the league. frye has a nice shot and is rebounding better than i thought. not many blocks or steals though. put him in milwaukee and he's just another 'nice' player. put him in the garden and he's patrick ewing part deux. would i trade him for magloire? chandler? pryzbilla? no. for KG in a package? see ya channing get the fuck out!

not to say i'm hating, but easy with the championship banners! this team will finish under .500, but it'll be damn fun to watch!

fucking awesome

this guy finally gets out of hotlanta and busts out!

just look at his last 5 games: 10/5/4, 11/1/5, 17/6/10, 10/9/7, 17/8/6 with 8 steals and 5 blocks too!

OUI MONSIEUR TU EST RAD!

TRU WARIER WE PARTY

artest is fucking rad! but i'm a little disappointed in his numbers this year. every category is down except steals. what gives? i though he'd hulk out and go ape-shit on the league. he's still got time, but he's too passive. ARTEST GET ANGRY I GOT YOU FOR MVP WTF!

nice move by brown last night starting nate and frye. what? brown doesn't play rooks? uh... the bulls are the pale-est, flabbiest bunch of white boys in the nba. nocioni, songaila and piatkowski gotta lay off the taco bell and hit the gym! no trades please! isiah keep this team together! did you see that JC to ariza dunk? SICK

terrible. just... terrible

did you hear the 50 cent/g unit weekend on the radio? it was awful! i mean, seriously boring, slow [witted], and tired. and i don't really dislike anything 'on purpose'... ok i do, but i didn't realize the new 50 was THIS bad. i mean, it's funny in that 'he's retarded' kind of way but after a song or two i feel like i need to read a book. 'in the club' sounds weird now...

i bet you've seen these bat mitzvah pics of 50. fat joe... please write some funny verses about this. what rhymes with 'torah'?

PITCHFORK NERDS! TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE-DOWN!

new years jam sesh at irving plaza with dr dog! i can't wait! there are only a few bands in the world that i would see on new years at a place that charges $5 for a can of bud. dr dog, superchunk circa 'slack motherfucker', and minor threat although the beer drinking would feel weird. i still would do it though

do you think nate's wearing the arm sleeve to be like A.I.?

how long until someone rocks the face guard in homage to rip? jordan's left ear ring looked weird [i get it... a 'bull']. and it looked even weirder on pippen. stockton short shorts on chris paul? shawn kemp beer belly on sean may?

this picture of nate and GP is weird. it's like they're dancing.

their venn diagram game is tight

score! i walked by the merc and they added a third explosions show! ok it blows my mind that they're gonna sell out 3 shows, but i guess what with billy bob thorton and all, they have quite a following now. the last time i saw them was a-m-a-z-i-n-g. i got 4 tickets. who wants to go with me? e-mail me!

also, while i was there i saw that shred meadow was playing with j mascis. uh, yeah! i got 2 tickets for that one too. i know there are certain jewish people with strange last names that don't like them anymore, but the show will be a stoner's paradise!

who's tired of this guy?

i respect this guy for putting in his time, but did you see sportscenter tonight? 'stupid is as stupid does'? what did he say? jabajaba whu? is he the only coach who suspended himself for telling another coach he'd 'kick his ass' and then ended up keeping his job? boo. can you imagine if sprewell said that? and not only cause spre gets a shout on the mike jones record...

please john chaney is dubious. he says more stupid things than bobby knight and T.O. combined... and with none of the humor! free T.O.!

i've been bummed lately for sure

but alex wags' birthday was shredding. "hello my name is earl and my hobbies include eating good food with major bro's and hanging out and then going to a spot where we can hear the smiths..." irene was back! jason was being an asshole! wags was drinking weird drinks! wild dude was skanking! will was marmaduke by 2am! K danced to 'W' music! schmelling held it down! brian high-fived us on the way out! good times! ok sorry for the roll call but sometimes it's just that 'roll call' kind of moment.

so what if i ended up dancing alone to good music. i'm not mad. ok i am... haha

also, salim stoudemire fucked my head-to-head team tonight. wtf.... i dropped him for james posey. austin croshere next?

i wish i was going to miami this week...

bummer

i was too hungover to see bright eyes and the magic numbers last night. and the reports were sick! i should've gone. and then i rode my bike to get explosions tickets and both nights are sold out. and then i found out both dinosaur nights are sold out. fuckers! i guess i get to see most sweet shows but i'm pissed i'm sleeping on all these good ones. i'm pissed! at least i'll get to see dr dog on new years. hopefully...

nice photo nocito i stole it. your website is too dirty for me to look at.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WAGS!

a good game yesterday. nate made some mistakes but came up big in OT! i know everyone was talking up the 'great' one after the game, all i was thinking was how sweet A.I. has been for so long. this dude has carried the sixers for a decade! pouring in points and playing D. respect!

i never heard his raps record but i'd like to. i heard c webb's. awesome! i wonder if they would ever do a collab... nah they should stick to hoops and their million zillion dollars. my friend thom once made a poster that said 'war is not the answer' and a drawing of iverson! sick. just, sick.

'i want pancakes now, you know!'

i can't believe big Z got later'd on 'prison break' this week. ok we all saw that coming but it was lame. that show is kinda starting to suck. but what's not sucking are these KG rumors. i'm into it!

ok it's time to starting calling fools out. busts: stromile swift, pyrzbilla, james jones, raja bell, kurt thomas [everyone on this team but nash], desmond mason, josh smith, toine, damon stoudemire, jalen rose, kyle korver and rafer. RAFEEER! [in dr doom voice] i bet i can think of more...

good starts: charlie villanueva, frye, chris paul [sick], ricky davis, salim stoudamire, sean may, dwight howard [!] the cambyman, iggy, c webb, bonzi, and the usual

ok back to work. a big happy eating-day to the 5 people who read this thing! veggie turkey anyone?

some watergate ish

"Internet rumors are full steam ahead with the KG to New York, Detroit or New Jersey takes. Joe Dumars supposedly had another individual in the franchise make the offer of Darko Milicic and Rasheed Wallace to the Wolves for KG so he could claim ignorance if asked about it. Stay tuned, as the rumors are going to get bigger and better surrounding KG"

zeke is talking to mchale about KG for a bunch of huge expiring contracts! right now it's antonio davis, penny, a 1st rounder, and someone else? i'm thinking we'll have to part with lee, nate rob, and/or probably frye but.... WE'RE TALKING THE BIG TICKET! with all this lebron, duncan, amare coverage people forget that KG is still the 2nd best PF in the league [respect to the big fundamental].

the fact that we know this info means probably it won't happen, but it's fun to think about. so the t wolves would be left with mccants, wally, frye and a really young team. who do they think they can sign with all that money? although it's pretty clear they're having trouble building around KG.

who knows. i'll believe when i see it...

OTHER LEVEL

The AC were crazy last night. i mean, i've seen them a whole bunch of times and i was all 'what can they do at this point that would be better than what they've already done?' and then they proceeded to fucken tear up webster hall! there was some serious fanning out on my and everyone else's part. they played 'banshee beat' and parts of 'grass' in two difference jams. and then they rocked a song from danse manatee. they closed with a mash up ending with... 'winter's love'! i was waiting for that all night. SHREDDDDING!

carol had stomach ails all night and josh wasn't there so those were two major bummers. next time dudes!

how happy am i for this guy?

he's been the best player in the nba this season. 15.9, 13.6, and 3.3 blocks per. oh, 1.7 steals a game? oui! i'm bummed he never got his shine in NY, but he did hit this shot in the finals. the times ran that magazine article called 'no one wants to play with marcus' about how he didn't get along with the knicks guys cause he wasn't a bible thumper. when he was at umass he would get so home-sick it would affect his game. after weird games he would go 'i miss my mom'. RAD!

now that i'm thinking about it, spre should've taken the wolve's offer last season. now he's just sitting at home watching CSI. you gotta think some team can use him. the raps? even denver..

now that i'm thinking about it, i better get back to work!

ENOUGH

chris russo and all these WFAN callers are fucking retarded with this 'stephon marbury is responsible for the holocaust, the crusades, korean war, etc' a couple years ago it was our FANTASY to have steph back home. now his is, and all people do is shit on him. oh, 18 and 9 suuucks. trade him. him and brown are grown ass men. they are getting paid millions. ok they don't hang out at wendy's together but the get along fine on the court. steph is totally trying to change his game, he's just got a flawed team. a 2 who plays the 1. another 2 who plays the 3. and 4's and 5's who score, but can't rebound or D up. not to even mention the average age on this squad is 15!

'every team has gotten better after steph was traded' the nets drafted richard jefferson and kenyon martin. get them on the knicks, we will get swept in the finals too. the suns got amare stoudemire, joe johnson, and Q. look at their record this season. how much better is nash making that team now? what has nash or kidd ever won?

steph's got 3 years left on a huge contract. who we gonna trade him for? who'll take him? shucks we're stuck with an all-star. i just don't get all the hate. i'm emo about this! he doesn't take bad shots, he's always in the league lead in dimes. and he passes to TIM THOMAS. NAZR MOHAMMED. JAMAL CRAWFORD. TREVOR ARIZA. i'm saying. get a couple dudes half as good as amare and r jeff and all this 'marbury is a cancer' talk will go poof!

remember his katrina press conference the 'babies floating in the river' stuff? people have to shit on someone else. i nominate someone who actually sucks!

nov 19 05 big silly report

aaron mckie looks like he should lay off the cheeseburgers for a while...

shocking

me and the wags were convinced sinister was the better record. convinced! then nocito asks 5 people and they all said strap! ok schmelling changed his mind to the right side [our side], but still... ken asked me if i liked that song 'i'm a cuckoo' and when i said yes, he strait kicked me! and when nocito said yes, he went 'oh, really?' just another victim of a racialist crime.

which is more mind-expanding?

eye at passerby shredding with the hammer? i couldn't really see but the show was a lot better than when the boredoms played bowery. diego got the whole show on his MD. so 90's! there was the original super roots artwork on the wall it was amazing. the rest of the show was just ok but i don't smoke. maybe i should.

or

zaza pachulia's rise to stardom? ok people weren't really sleeping on him, 13/9/2.1 and .9 blocks a game through 8 games? and you throw out his terrible game vs sac town and it's ridiculous! last night vs damp? well, damp is a sucker, but 21 and 12! 6 offensive! could we see okur vs zaza in a junk time all-star scenario? somehow that would make me happy

ricky davis all-star

through 8 games: 41.9 min, 19.6 points, 6 assists, 5.1 rebs, .9 3ptm [41%] and 2.5 steals. 2.5!

since his 02-03 campaign with silas and the cavs [20/6/5] if been singing this guy's praises. after a couple of so-so years in boston he's really running shit right now. of course we all remember him for shooting on his own basket to get a rebound, but i remember him for... shooting on his own basket to get a rebound! c'mon, triple doubles are sweet!